just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
