I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
