I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
