at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
