She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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