I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can I color on your dick again?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
