ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
