I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
