return my video game
That's intense
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
