woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
