The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
