just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
