he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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