Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
