There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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