also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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