my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
