i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
