ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
