Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
