I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
