and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
