i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
