Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
