I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
