I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
