You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
