Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
