She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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