I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
