she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
