i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
