Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
