marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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