I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
