Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
