dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
