College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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