one two three fourrrrnication!
I smell stomach acid.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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