I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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