soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
