My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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