K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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