vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
