they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
