Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
why is half of my head shaved?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
