Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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