He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
