She is in my trunk
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
