it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
