WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
