oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
