oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
